welcome to my little world.
i'm upset.
felt abandoned, unsupported, not being understood, or rather, being misunderstood.
why cant they just trust me?
give me faith and support rather than pouring me with all sorts of negative comments?
i'm a grown-up, sad to say, shouldn't i be doing whatever i am enjoying and at the same time take my own responsibility upon it?
i know sometimes it's truly hard to balance up time arrangement, and i absolutely know how a procrastinator i am, but, i'm telling myself, fenwei u can do it! and when the time is right, i will know when to give up.
or to continue, persevere.
isn't this a way for me to grow up? mentally and spiritually?
to be a mature youngster, and to know exactly what i am doing?
why cant they even trust me on this?
i know it is hard, but i try and hope and i know i can pull it through.
even if i fail, i know this is my own choice.
and i take it as a lesson, to keep moving on and excel in my own life.
am i still a child in cradle who couldn't even make a good and responsible decision for my own?
to take care of herself?
i know yes, sometimes i am just childish and immature and undecisive, but i hope, and i know, that once i have made a decision, ill try all means and my best to make it a good one.
and did they really give it a thought?
that is, a life wthout sociality and entertainment or rather, something that u really enjoy in doing, which can serve as a boost to study harder and harder, a life that one desires?
is a passive life, with no friends and things to do together, one that i would want?
did they really think that locking up myself in room and mugging all the time, a lifestyle that they want me to engage in?
and yes i know nothing is good when overdone.
so did i not try to make full use of my time for my activities?
i know most of the time i'm not a person that can fully and wisely divide my 24 hours, but did i not try to make it a reality?
i tried.
and so i know i wont be engaging in too many activities at a time, which i dont think i'm even doing one now, at least when exams are near.
but now, i just hope that i can do more, and enrich myself, when time is possible.
no one has ever had a second chance in everything, or perhaps, rarely.
even if there is, it wouldnt be the same anymore.
and once you have bypast them, u'll never know how regret u will be in the future.
i'm just very disappointed and depressed.
for their speech and whatever doubts they are harbouring in me.
i know they mean the best ever for me, but sometimes i just need some space to do things that i love, and i'll make sure that i do it properly and not letting it ruining me myself.
can they trust me on this?
i dont know.
im confused and saddened.