welcome to my little world.
*let us ice-skate on this never-ending beautiful journey:)*
this journey has taught me not give up hope even after many "fell down"s..
(reality is indeed cruel cos even though i had fallen down N times, i still couldnt skate properly=X LOL)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
top 10 reasons for why cant i stand myself these days??
1. i couldnt stand my blurness
obviously i had lab at 230pm today but i misread the timetable as 330pm, i was running through my mind that i had lab at 330pm instead of 230pm. so i ended up late 15mins to my lab=S *sorry shuhui~~*
2. i lost my appetite
i have been running low for food appetite since few days ago. have no idea what has gone wrong. not only in the morning, but as well as lunch and dinner. i felt very full and had tinge of feelings to vomit even i have only eaten a little bit compared to last time.
3. i ended up regretting taking 23AU
why shouldnt i follow the majority who only took 20AU?i think i must have this thought of committing suicide just before add drop period ended. now regret also no use=(( the only way out is keep going on. and be more hardworking:( *this makes me think of the poet i once learned--the road not taken-- lol*
4. i procrastinate!*just too much*
i dont feel like studying these days. or more accurately, since school started. lol. at this rate, im afraid i wont be able to survive=( cos not only my studying speed is terribly slow, my memory deteriorated, i think i wasted alot of times online-ing and watching shows :[
5. im always slow, and late
this applies to my eating speed, or basically in everything i do. i thought i had improved on my eating speed, since a studying in spore, but sadly, this is not. and i wake up late, late for class, sometimes accidentally but more often is that i tend to knock off my alarm and head back to sleep =p
6. im too timid to voice out my opinion
sometimes is due to my timidness, or rather, i chose to keep quiet most of the time. mostly it's not that im shy, but i have no creative idea to contribute=( *good luck and jiayou for later! the first meeting here in which im the vice-chairperson, just a small one=) &&i hope i can be more active in class or any discussion group, i dont want to be like a nerd!!!=(
7. more exercise please! dont be lazy!
reduce body fats!=[ have a healthy lifestyle. walk more. sleep more. *it says that ppl with lesser sleep are easier to gain weight=X * also to have better concentration during lessons.
8. i dont spend time wisely. i should make better judgement.
everyone has 24 hours per day. why i always find it not enough??? i stopped halfway for my fav storybook-twilight series and korean drama-iljimae.TT be rational~
9. new year is few more days but i have not done enough shopping=(
i have not bought my new year footwear:( there are alot of things i wanna buy~ but maybe im too fussy until ended up with nothing=X
10. i spent half an hour, or more, sitting in front of my laptop, thinking of the tenth reason, but i couldnt think of any!!UGHhhh...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
a new semester has begun.
and here i am, starting to get busier, get lesser and lesser sleep, get bombarded by the idea of future unforeseen stress and uncertainties.
i felt blue for no reason today.
but not actually for no reason, i believe there is, just that ppl dont always wanna admit it and i hope things will turn out fine and i'll be okay.
im looking cheerful and bubbly as normal as i can, but deep down, something hidden inside me which i cannot explain bothered me.
what's wrong?
i have no idea.
i guess maybe i have been living all this while under this kind of strange mentality that i almost got immune to it and thus doesnt really go and think about it.
i cannot focus well, im always one.
at this rate, i wonder am i be able to survive this semester of 23 AU.
suddenly i feel evrything just doesnt go quite right.
i started to feel abit of regret but there is nothing i could do but to carry on.
fenwei is being very pessimistic and negative.
yet she projects an image of happiness and carefree.
at least sometimes.
ironic..
okay i shall not dwell on it for too long.
i have been neglecting my health and i actually got scared when i dont have any appetite today.
probably was because today was the first time i have overslept too much and missed the first 10 mins of the lecture.
wake up fenwei~
wake up from all the blueness and tomorrow is gonna be yet another shiny bright day.
be strong.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
i had my best birthady celebrations this year=))
all so unexpected, truthfully~haha
first there were my msa friends=)
jiashin, tingyue, sinyee, weishan, jiayi, weiheng, zhenghong, chinseng, weihan.
on midnight of 15jan.
turned off the lights and holding a candle-lighted birthday cake, and with the unmistakable birthday song~
i totally didnt expect it, im serious!haha.
that time i remembered i was listening to songs and tried to print out stuffs halfway.hahaha
im extremely touched guys, thanks a mighty lots!!!(:
the chocolate cake was nice, and later we had some chattings till 2am in the morning=p
second was today.
my coursemates (most amcisa friends plus one spore friend(:)-eanwearn, yiyun, tinghong, chunrui, chenli, shijie, shunhao, sam, peixia, huimei=) told me we all gonna have lunch together at the quad before lecture.
AGAIN, im surprised in the end!
i really thought it was just an ordinary lunch, cos my birthday was over, haha.
then after we finished lunch, they held out a birthday cake and birthday song flooded me, the one who was laughing with wide open mouth*i was shocked*!lol
so this was the thrid birthday cake i had for this year's 20th birthday=)
it was a chocolate cake but was very hard texture, to me tasted like some kind of frozen ice cream, haha, but it was nice too~
so all in all, im really thankful to everyone who still remember my birthday~=)
the drawback is just that i havent celebrated it with my family, cos didnt go back for this weekend.
just now had a CNY Dinner organised by chinese society.
was quite exciting as the group i was in was super high*we won hamper!!*, at first i was scared of being alone, cos obviously 90% of the ppl there are from amcisa, whom i dont know much well cos didnt join any orientation camp:(, but luckily some of my coursemates were going so i just followed them.haha
knew some new friends and luckily i didnt feel much as an outcast, though i didnt talk alot, just enjoying the performances=)and also FOOD!!hahaha
cos always when im in a group that im not familiar with, when everyone else has known each other very much and talk stuffs that only they know, i tend to feel like an outcast and couldnt join in them as i hope, so i didnt often interact much, just stay there quietly, dont know whether to try to communicate with them or just keep my mouth shut.
haha.
im really a complicated creature i guess.
but who says none of the human beings are not complicated?
but sometimes i just meditate that am i thinking too much?
as in i should believe that things will eventually turn out fine.and stop worrying.
cos like what i remembered from sejarah tb during sec sch, there is one philosophy saying that all things in the world are fixed, we human race cannot do anything about it, as in come what may, and never to try to adjust or change anything, cos everything was fate and ur destiny.
*deep thinking*
aha!anyway, switch to another topic, lol,
so im basically still in spore to settle my stars planner on sunday, and to go ice-skating with my friends tmr=)
hope it will be fun and i wont lose my way=(
my parents were worried about me, so fenwei, you are grown up enough*gosh i cant believe i remind myself of my age when i told everyone else in the world to stop mentioning my age,lol* to take care of urself!!
not to lose my way, be careful, be watchful, make sure i know the way, dont simply spend money, return to hall early etc etc.
i wanna prove to my parents that i can really be independent!
and dont make them worry about me.
deal well with daily chores, studies, balanced up my life with other activities or sports but not forgetting my studies, dont procrastinate, be more hardworking, dont always lazying around doing nothing, cut down on time spent on internet*but sometimes i just couldnt help it!!!haha*, switch on study mode, be more outspoken, be more courageous to speak, meet new friends while building stronger friendship with my uni friends, be moderate, sleep early as possible as i can, take good care of health, sometimes dig out some time to read on aspiring storybooks(my eclipse still bookmarked till dont know which page havent finished since i came back sch, haix, haha), do more sports to decrease body fats level etc etc etc etc...
hahaha
basically just another great year!=)
hopefully better!
take note on solving my weaknesses, strengthen my good points.
i think this semester i will be overloaded=(
i might have 23AU, which means 3 electives.
currently i had - media in the modern world : social trends and popular culture
- eco-architecture in the urban living society
- magic of voice in the world of a singer
for the third one i just added it today, out of sudden saw the available vacancy. haha, but i dont know anyone taking this=(
i hope it wont be a difficult module neither=(
was at first thinking of taking foreign languages like jap or korean or french or spanish, but then come to think of it, i think learning a new language is so musch harder, as in you need to really spend time memorising new terms and pronunciations, initially i thought great interest in it can deal with all these problems, but..haix, i just still couldnt make up my mind now.
btw i had dropped the course named intro to psychology..
then seconds later it was already been taken up.haha
the reason i dropped it is because its exam date same as one of my core and the social trends thingy, plus i did terribly in the psychology tutorial.
everyone else is so well-versed, yes, except me.
i couldnt properly arrange my thoughts in line with my words=(
i think these can be reserved for next coming semester..
i even wonder if i can cope with 23au this semester~=(
help?
haix.
anyway, yesterday's genie zhuo wen xuan NTU sch concert was a great one!
i got place at front fourth row as my roomie and her friends queued up there few hours before the concert starts.haha
so i just sneaked in=p
we got good view, just that didnt get to shake hands with Genie=((
i must admit her live performance is really really superb!!!
BRAVO i should say!HAHA
she's sweet&slim, & sings well~
the host was ding zhi yong(if not wrong)from yes 93.3.
the concert lasted for about one hour, with quite a number of genie's songs.
basically i find that our response, as in the audiences, haha, was quite enthusiastic, but can be more energetic.hehehe
apart from singing, there was also some interviews kinda Q&A conversation btwn genie and zhiyong, then also a small game session where three guys were appointed from the crowd to sing a love song(originally by cao ge)with genie.
the whole procedure was an stomach-aching amusement.hahaha.with alot laugh stock esp by the last participant which i heard is a senior from msa.LOL
anyway, i hope NTU can hold more concerts like this.haha.
yesterday's one the lecture theatre was like fully packed, some still need to sit on the floors.
i didnt get to take clear pics and actually was banned from taking photos.
but i got to snap some blurry image of the star=p
genie's fansclub members
outside LKC lecture theatre
jiashin~
zhiyong
GENIE=)
btw i didnt get to go gelang patah resort today evening with susu they all=(=(
hope they enjoy themselves~
&&i; try to upload my birthday pics once i got hold on them=)
think that's all for now.
this is a long post indeed.
haha.
treat it as some kinda memorable post for my 20th*nah not again,haha*birthday!=)
**i dont want to look older, but i wish to be more mature**
lol
p/s:one of my birthday gift=)
thanks weekeat!!(:i like the cookies~~hehe
wanna end my post with some random pics of ADM(Arts, Design and Media School), which i have two of my electives classes here(:
luckily they didnt bring me to push me down the pool there as they did to the birthday chad.haha
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
i hate making decision.
especially when im facing choices in a dilemma.
now i understood what do ppl mean by it's always easier to be said than done.
*pls pls what i can do now is pray for the best*
there are lotsa things on my tiring mind right now.
studies, friends, electives, timetable, exam schedule, cca, etc etc
mixed feeling indeed.
i wonder why my mood swings like this second im laughing and being crazy, the next moment im down with blue symdromes and wrapped myself up.
i dont know what to do, how to do it even if i know the way out.
show me the way, can anyone?
i know the ultimate decision is in my hand and i have to bear responsibility upon it.
so should i depend on the unknown luck now, or to give up totally?
现实永远总是那么残酷
i agree.
hope for a better tomorrow~
p/s: got myself a free goodie bag which i think weighed around 1kg *just being exaggerate, lol, but it's really heavy and contain alot goodies!!!* from Nanyang Arts Festival today. was quite a new experience as i did a health check up, by just using their sophisticated weighing machine, and having some promoters to promote their healthcare products after the check up (oh no im over-weighed and have too high body fats, TT, need more exercises). besides, there were awesome jazz performance, diabolo and a few that i missed. there were also lotsa small cute stalls selling various artworks like designed clothes, notebooks, bookmarks, keychains, accesories etc etc. and i got caught red-handed by the tutor in jap class as i attended it without prior registration (obviously im super fed up and vexed and frustrated and giving-up-hope and headache over all these electives stuffs). so embarassed but luckily no one else except me, tutor, and my friend know.=S
do u believe in destiny?*random*
Sunday, January 11, 2009
last friday i had a BIG SURPRISE!
an ordinary lunch at jurong point turned out to be my first early birthday celebration=))
at first, when zz asked me about what i like and questions like "er do u prefer choco or fruits" etc kinda questions, i guess maybe he's organising some birthday celebration, haha.
so when i asked him why and he refused to told me the reason, i blurted out that is it u guys are gonna celebrate my birthday on friday, lol, he sort of discouraged and i was half-amused and half-sorry for "revealing" the birthday plan.hahaha
and so i told him that shuhui is also gona have her 24th birthday on 12Jan, which he doesn't know, and i suggested to celebrate our birthdays together, and and since i already knew the "plan", so let us instead give shuhui a BIG surprise too!*cos she doesn't know we are going to celebrate her birthday too at that moment(:*
SEKALI zz told me that he had a change in plans and said we are not going to celebrate birthdays on friday, just for lunch.
which i took it as real.
and little did i know that he and another friend of mine, peishan, was actually still planning to celebrate our birthdays on friday!!
LOL
so on friday me, shuhui and peishan headed off to jurong point.
met zz at the train station.
and we went pizzahut to have our meals=)
*the baked rice was nice and different from msia!i doubt if they serve them in msia outlets.and their specially-brewed mushroom soup is brown in colour, and i wonder if i am "sua-gu" cos i remembered pizzahut's mushroom soup to be creamy white in colour, haha, so i find it kinda unique=p*
after we had our meal and continued to chit-chat our way, nah, here came the "plan"...
the lights in the restaurant were suddenly switched off, with only a few yellow light bulbs lighting up the place, creating a so-called "romantic" atmosphere, LOL
and then in the midst of puzzle and confusion, the waitresses held in their hands a palm-sized birthday cake and walked out from the back kitchen, singing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" along their way.
but at that time, the "blur-queen" me still didnt know what was going on and shot out a stupid question at my friends : whose birthday???
*rolled-eyes*--for now
and then they were walking towards our table, with almost all of the other customers eyeing our direction.
and set down the birthday cake in front of me and shuhui.
i could imagine my stunned childish look at that moment.
*i bet shuhui was more surprised than i was cos she didnt even know we were going to celebrate her birthday, at least it was it before i thought they really had changed their plans!haha*
i was TOTALLY SURPRISED!!!
couldnt re-arranged yet my expresion back to normal but i thanked them alot!!!=)
okays, zz and peishan, u guys won and i really got a shock!
BWAHAHAHA
or maybe i was just too "innocent" and simple-minded, HAHA, cos i seriously didnt expect it!
anyway, they also bought me a prezie=)
love it very much, is a purple wallet=))thanks heapss!!
and so the outing, to me honestly, was a veryvery special occasion.
cos i never had my birthday celebration this way, in a restaurant, and with people singing birthday song to me, except with my family.
so i really appreciate it a whole lot!(:
a beautiful memory it will be(:
some pics to share=)
birthday cake with hazelnuts=)
birthday girls=)
i was the oddball doing silly gesture=((HAHA
bakat models.HAHAHA
imitating Stefanie Sun in the adv, "unsuccessfully" LOLXX
peishan!you can be a really good model!tall and slim and charming=)))
*we should send this pic to a model agency, haha*
didnt realise me and peishan both wearing shirts with stripes.hehe
the black-shirt duo--zz and shuhui.haha
looking forward to another yet wonderful week!=)
goodluck for NTU OPEN HOUSE helper interview on coming tuesday :SS
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
卓文萱 is coming to NTU=)
though im not her very hardcore fans, haha, i went to redeem tickets to her concert at NTU using matric card. each card for two tickets, so one for me one for rommie jiashin=)
her concert is on my birthday i realised~
7pm at LKC lecture theatre.hope will be a fantastic one!
the queue was long, but not as long as i expected it to be. my friend quickly called me at 1130am(the ticket distribution starts at 12noon)and told me the crowd was already flooding, so i rushed from library2 after my QET. haha.
and talking about QET, luckily the essay question i tried it before during a-levels GP lesson.lol.so hopefully can pass and we will get to know our results by next monday, which indirectly mean that i might be able to add language course, either jap or korean=))
BUT again, need to wait for vacancy=(
it's really something that's out of our control, sadly.
and right now im so damn frustrated and confused as which electives to take=(
though the dealine is 18jan, but i hope can settle this whole thing even before that, cos i hate the trouble and all the fuss about this add-drop thingy~
really really loathed it=((
now i have a dilemma, i have added three electives - asian film history, socail trends&pop culture, intro to psychology.
the thing is, both psycho&pop culture exams fall on the same day as one fo my core subjects, and both these electives, as according to lecturers and the course info, need alot alot of reading and is not an easy course.
i know there's hardly any course that will be easy, but if i were to get three electives this sem, i hope to get easier ones, so that i can cope with it, together with my four core and one lab.
if not, i might as well choose to have only two.
which i hope wont fall again on the same exam date.
as for the asian film, i think the lessons arent started yet, so couldnt decide.
but again the timeslot sucks
in this way : i have lab from 230-530pm, then straightaway 530-830pm for this asian film.
what more, the classes are at different places which need like at least i think 15-30mins to reach.
SIGHZZ.
*im sorry for being long-winded and complain alot now, GRRRRR~~~*
and i couldnt add anymore electives now cos already over the max AU allowed, which mean if i wanna change, i need to be super duper fast to first drop the unwanted subject, then add the new one, before anyone else grab the new one away.
but i scared the high chance of that after i drop it, i cant be quicker than others who also happened to want to add the new one at the same time, and then end up with the previous dropped course might be taken away, and ill be left without any, neither the previous one nor the new one.
complicated huh?
haix, alright, enough of vexing, i need some refreshment.
明天会更好吧~
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
sometimes i just dont understand myself.
to follow the crowd, or to do it my way.
to be loud and outspoken, or to be inferior and keep things to myself.
to be at the centre of attention, or to be unnoticed and ordinary.
to be here, or to be there.
to be myself, or to be one of the rest.
life is full of choices.
at least sometimes it is.
to make the right decision,
i have always been wanting to trust my instinct, but more often than not turn out to be the otherwise.
self-conflict.fighting with the inner voices.
i dont like today.
i couldnt get the courses i want, though i know there must be opportunities coming the way towards the end, yet i failed to wave off the feelings of undecisiveness and impatience.
i couldnt find my place in class, to where i belong, so i have been acting nomad.
i carry the responsibilities in a committee like the rest, but doubt if i can do it well and not to be sorry to myself.
i hate the pre-exam feelings, i asked myself to study but couldnt really bring it to the surface.
i hate having bad and negative feelings when i dont know the reason for being like this and what has gone wrong with me.
i envy people having fun and exciting life but im having a dull and non-productive one.
i wanted to join and participate in lotsa stuffs which are hovering in my mind but i couldnt find the courage nor the initiative to start right head on.
i yearn to do alot of things which time and circumstances dont allow.
i couldnt stay focus during lectures though im totally awake and couldnt find the source for my perpetual distraction.
im having bad memory.
im cracking my head on this post but nothing much came up.
so i decided to stop now.
p/s: all the best and good luck to everyone having QET tmr~
nites.
Monday, January 5, 2009
first day of semester 2.nothing much happened.as usual and ordinary as the other days.just came back yesterday.did some cleaning up with help from mum and dad.teeheez.next time i wanna try to tavel myself to and fro singapore.must learn to be independent=)though i know pama must be doting me alot(:after spending a whole lot of holidays in doing nothing much except watch tv, hang out with family and friends, online, spring-cleaning, read twilight series(A MUST!!haha), i need to faster get back to my schwork and stuffs.HAHA.been starting to read some articles to prepare for my upcoming QET, sighx, hopefully still can write a good essay;( as a result, need to postpone a tiny bit my reading of Eclipse.HEHE.i must be turning into an OTAKU already.haha.&&wanna catch up with Iljimae and some anime(Skipbeat!), some soap opera(ghost whisperer!!) and recently have been addicted to some old movies(nah obviously i watch too much tv at home, haha)like Underworld!bwahahaha..first day of school, realised that things and everyday-chores that i get used to in last sem are slightly gone..lol.hmm put it this way, like last might, after the cleaning up and wanted to go bathe, i forgot to bring along my towel and need to retreat to my room to get it. i forgot to bring my sweater to lecture today. i forgot to switch off the switches last night. haha. i hope the list wont go on;p i need to be less forgetful!haha.anyway, new year new resolution. i hope i can have better and better semester ahead;) live life to the fullest, enrich myself, improve myself, get a life!HAHA.so there are some activities that i wanna sign up;)e.g. maybe ill go for the interview for helpers and ambassadors for coming NTU OPEN HOUSE;)i guess i must be shy, cos i tend to ask around whether my other friends are joining before i actually click on the button.haha.so yea i hope this is a way to enhance my PR=)HAHA.okays i think that's all. i just need more luck and opportunities=) pray that i can get the electives that i want during add drop period. pass my QET so that i can take foreign language electives. start switching to schlife mode. be more hardworking. memory leaps. all in all all the best!HAHA. just as the saying goes, plans never catch up with changes. human desires are unlimited yet we have only limited resources.
well i would better stop here=)
-life moves on-
Friday, January 2, 2009
yay finally~
haha.the urge to sing has ultimately been fulfilled!BWAHAHAHAH
thanks for shuying's accompanyment, toobad susu dear couldnt make it=(
nevermind next time hun!!=)
*but there is already price rise starting from 2009 i guess=(*
next time bring more friends, cos if two person they only provide 2 hours(actually less than that, they cut short five min earlier, hmphh not sufficient~~~hahaha, i must be craving for singing karaoke for too long a time already, lol)
=)
p/s: shuying pls pardon my lousy "awesome" driving on the way back alright;p
time for improvement~~~
*btw i managed to get only one elective in my course registration:((i need at least two!or three if i wanna catch up;( pls let me get them during add drop period~~=((*