underneath the stars
unravel the mysteries.

welcome to my little world.

Thursday, March 4, 2010
recess week part 1/2
2:21 AM

missions failed.

ureca lab, assignments, tests, reports, personal targets.

move on and tomorrow will be better.

aza aza&cheer up!!

Monday, March 1, 2010
recess week part 1
3:19 PM

to start on a more cheerful note,
i guess the happy-go-lucky me is back once again!
*hooray for that~*
yep, i can choose to be happy or otherwise, to start off every single day.
so why not to be a happier chad?:)
*even though easiy-emo is one of my "trademarks"=X*

so, recess week has just started and finally,
finally, i have some extra little time for myself.
although recess week is never really holiday season for us the uni students, i guess some relaxation and slacking time are not too much right! *self-convincing haha*
there are tonnes of things to settle :
lab reports, seminar, CA tests, ureca labs, assignment, post-event stuffs, upcoming club events, volunteer traning etc etc.
not forget to mention some chill-out activities like shopping, some self-pampering to-do eg haircut and skin treatment, and some entertainment such as movies and dramas.
too many things under the list=X
so many to accomplish but never have enough time.
and guess what, i slept for half of the day (nearly TWELVE hours today!!!=X), and it just got wasted off like that..
i think home sweet home is just too nice for a hybernate-like good night sleep!
okay, let's plan it this way, hopefully i can spend half of my holidays for leisure event, and half of it for academic events=X
*now that i have said it, i have a bad feeling that these are not gonna come true, according to "past experiences" LOL*
anyway, just try my best la!=p
and, shouldnt recess week be a holiday week that are supposed to be free from scoolworks??? hmphh.. *think too much*

well, the major event for me this year -- SBS Day was just over few weeks ago.
overall, i think it was great and i enjoyed myself! despite some clog up here and there, which i think are indispensable?=p
i wish the same too for the rest of my maincomm and subcomm family members and the SBS population in general, also people from other faculties and from outiside NTU.
there are things which can be improved definitely, but this event has made me grown up in one way or another.
*shall not elaborate here, will turn out too long haha*
Next up, hall prod costume and make-up subcomm.
nah, i guess those who know me well, will certainly look at me with disbelieving wide-eyes and this astonishing look on their faces.
cos i have never been good at these kinda stuffs, especially make-up LOL
nevertheless, it was considered a quite enjoyable experience for me.
although i am new over there, with the fact that i have never really joined much of the hall activities and thus never know people there well, i find that i am quite well-received there.
not to say that i can click with all of them and get to know them well, but they are quite nice bunch of people.
it was true that initially i felt being out of place there, but as days went on, i find that some of them are quite friendly and nice to talk to:)
while some do not really bother about me being there, and hence i felt a little awkward.
anyway, it was still an experience (given that i have never been in a production before!) and i managed to convince myself that my time were not wasted there haha.
i shall learn more on make-up thingy from weiting, my msa friend aka costume and make-up maincomm=) *if i have the time though=p*

yup, so basically my pre-recess week was spent as described above!
look forward to the rest of my recess week!
hope it will be an "enriching" and "fulfilling" one! :p

-will update more here if i have time.
pictures uploaded in fb too~

Monday, February 15, 2010
the unspoken
11:37 PM

a post from the inner me, under the skin of my outer bright and cheerful self..

unwritten letters.
unspoken words.
i typed, i deleted, i typed again, and i deleted again.
i cannot pretend and fake my feelings.
i dont know who and how to tell, but here.
perhaps it is always my wishful and wilful thinking.
perhaps it is all illusions that i have seen.
time to let it go?
yes, i think it is.
no matter how hard and bitter it would be.
no matter how pathetic it sounds.
no matter how silly it looks when i shed my tears for that.
because i dont want to stand alone in an awkward situation,
which it will never be real
so i guess this would be the best solution.

so long, goodbye.

and i dislike the feeling when im misunderstood,
i dislike myself, when i always do the wrong thing at the wrong timing, and causes such a consequence.

after today,
i shall start to try to let it go.
it is just a matter of time..
i believe.

to myself : fenwei, there are so many other things in life which you couldnt afford to lose, so what's so big deal about this? life is beautiful, it's just a matter of how you view and treasure it. time to let go and stop looking backwards when there's nothing worthwhile for you to hold on to. move on and you shall see a better tomorrow. there's always sun and rainbow after the rain. dont ever forget how to smile and also other little things that cheer your day up..

you will be alright.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010
warning : do not worry
2:18 AM

I guess i might have typed out things exaggeratedly.
maybe it was really how i felt that time, so strong a feeling, but when i looked back at what i have written, i somehow felt abit silly and unable to explain anything when buddies approached me and asked me what have gone wrong.
I am absolutely thankful and felt the heart-felt warmth by their concerns.
at least i know that, there will always be someone there for me to listen to me, to bug me, to call me up, no matter how busy and stressful they are in their lives.

thanks you girl! for letting me to feel that im not alone in this world.

even though there are so much to tell, so much to catch up, so much of different things and different experiences that we are having now, on different parts of the horizon, thanks for giving me the feeling that im still loved and appreciated.

im a person who can get sentimental and emotional pretty easy.
i feel lonely easily.
but perhaps it's that i have too many things to attend to right now, with SBS Day the biggest annual school event coming underway while i am one of the chairpersons, i have no time to think about and fret on any emotions right now.
i guess my brain and nervous system is too busy to feel other feelings right now, apart from stressful!
i will certainly brace myself up for that.
and i wont let myself and the rest of the family down.
two weeks, just two weeks of "non-human" life, and i will be fine.
i hope that i would not give up halfway.
i will give the best shot.
what i need is really everyone's support and their way of viewing it, as important as how i view it, and also the spirit of family members getting together and stay strong and helping each other at times of difficulties.
please give me the strength for that,
and i will promise that everyone's hardwork is going to be paid off.
please please~

this academic year, i felt lucky and glad to be in the committee.
this is from the bottom of my heart.
not at all for hall point, but for all the fun and tears that we shared together.
no matter how the others think.
it wouldnt be the same if i didnt join in the big family.
i would not have grown, learnt and experienced, should i never be in the family.
i wonder if everyone feels the same way as i do, but what i must say is that, i have never felt the words "united we stand, divided we fall" so strong as ever before.

stay strong.
and big girl dont cry.

p/s : guys, i will watch my words the next time i typed. there is actually nothing serious to worry about my previous entries. who am i? im the strong fenwei!;] so nothing can bring me down! i must have faith in myself~

Friday, January 22, 2010
thank god i found it!
1:05 AM

thank god i found it.
now, i realised something which i have never really given it a thought in the past.
i guess this is a good lesson for me.


fenwei, dont let illusions blinded you.

i am sorry...
12:48 AM

i will regret it for the rest of my life.
how could i let that happen?
even though i know my feelings, i shouldnt have done that.
where is it now?


i swear i appreciate it a lot.
but it's missing. how could i lost it??
i feel like crying now.
will miracle happen?
will i find it again?
one hour passed. searching continues. but no where to be found.
i feel like a scandal now, i feel like i am the worst being in the world, i feel like i should just be shot down right now.
i feel miserable.
i guess i will condemn myself and it wont be erased from my memory forever.
what should i do now???